Back in the ebb known as time, or the "old days", people were prone to accidentally picking up a copy of one of these crappy games. Scary things would appear and scare the Pokemon trading cards right out of the pockets of six years old, if those cards existed back then. Even the Cryptkeeper from Tales From The Crypt would never be so cruel as to bestow these upon victims and hicks. Therefore, it may be too late to save your souls, even though most of you probably don't remember half the stuff I present in this site anyway, but here is the list of the most scariest pieces of trash to ever enter the NES.

Number 10: "Friday The 13^th"

Let's face it. You only watched the movie because of the people in their late twenties pretending to be seventeen and their poorly-scripted sex scenes. And yet, you still watch it. It's not like it's a complex porno scene, but when was the last time you've heard of a porno movie involving a killer that impaled two teens at once? Hopefully never. Anyway, the game itself introduced the dudes from Kids, Inc. and the three hot chicks from The Facts Of Life as they run around throwing rocks and fending off a boxing Jason. It scared the crap out of me. The game just sucked.

Number 9: "A Nightmare On Elm Street"

The only reason you ever watched this movie was because your stupid friend said it was radical. While watching teens get dragged inside of their beds and leaving a geyser of blood seems like fun, and maybe it was cool when Freddy^tm exploded on what was SUPPOSED to be the last and quite possibly the cheesiest movie in the series, Freddy's^tm Dead, The Final Nightmare, people still thought the NES game was going to be a blast. Well, you control a young Patrick Swayze as he runs around punching bats, snakes, and the claws of Freddy^tm. It's as action packed and pointless as 90% of his movies, excluding Dirty Dancing and Ghost. This game is like the wind after carrying a Whoopie Goldberg fart from two towns over, and you'll want to stay away from it just the same.

Number 8: "Uninvited"

A game lost in the strands of time, Uninvited is the third in crazy window games, as it is the sequel to both Deja Vu and Shadowgate... Kinda. Like both games, the story sucks, but the mind-dissolving puzzles keep mocking you to come back. Apparently, while you are teaching your legally blind sister how to drive in a dark stretch of road with only one spooky haunted mansion residing, your sister hits a tree. You wake up to find your sister was kidnapped by the psycho demon that lives in the mansion. After you get out of the car, it explodes, lightning erupts, and you begin your adventure into the house. Now, I'm no real estate agent, police officer, or tax collector, but if there was a house that had no human residents, had no one paying bills, a mortgage, or even income tax, and people mysteriously disappear around that houses vicinities, doesn't that constitute as something "strange"? Well, what do I know? The Munsters managed alright, despite the fact that Herman scared people so badly that the episode's tape moved everything in fast motion to show them running away really fast. And besides, that undead chick walking down the hallways freaks me out. That, and the graphic detail the text explains your death. "She ripped at your bloodied face" or something like that. If I wanted to, I could just read the Canterbury Tales if I knew how to read.

Number 7: "Ninja Gaiden III: The Ancient Ship of Doom"

The third and evidentally worst of the great trilogy, Ninja Gaiden III gave everyone what they didn't want: increased difficulty, limited continues, and power-ups no one uses. The idea behind this game was the same idea that made all the later Street Fighter II games suck, and that is recycled gold with mixed-up crap. It worked, and all but 4.97 billion people purchased the game and now work as carnival folk and one was a midgit thrown by Mr. T. I pity da fool that don't think that's awesome! And yet, it's scary how this game was made so horribly... See how I use the words "scary" and "game" to make it sound like the game is scary? That's scary in of itself, boy!

Number 6: "Darkman"

Ocean knows how to make games. First, get the rights to a popular movie. Next, use your crayons to make pretty pictures. Afterward, play Dudes With Attitude until you get an idea. Finally, make the game in a record-breaking two days! The result is Robocop, and you can use the same game to make Robocop II and this game. Just use amazing cut-and-paste technology to turn the game into garbage. Rob Van Dam once said "Everything's cool when your Rob. Van. Dam." I don't know why, but if Rob. Van. Dam. actually took part in making this game, it wasn't cool. I think that everyone should not follow RVD's advice when making crappy games. You might think you're cool, but the Stanford University A/V Club will be waiting outside of your house, with their toy phasers on kill, and will yell stupid things like "Live long and die" or something. When you're a Trekkie, and you take time off of your busy schedule to play crappy games based on cool movies, this is natural behavior, and also scary behavior. Tom Green showed us how scary Trekkies can be. Not the polygamist, mind you. The so-called "comedian". Oh, and Sam Raimi is one of the best directors of all time!

Number 5: "M.U.S.C.L.E."

This game is one of the few, if not only, game about kids with disorders fighting each other in the ring. The cast of characters range from a kid with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) wearing a kettle on his head to a fat kid dressed like Hulk Hogan. The kids run around the ring sticking their fists in the air hoping someone runs into it, while a pyromaniac throws burning items into the ring that make kids flash strange colors. And if watching fat and retarded kids fight each other in a wrestling ring isn't scary, then I'll have to rethink my views on retarded and fat kids.

Number 4: "The Great Waldo Search"

Yeah, some people actually cared where this retro-hippie went as he gets himself lost in Curious George books. All we know about Waldo is that there are seventeen thousand known Waldo crackhead freaks, and are all prone to getting lost in the books. We do know that the Waldo crackheads are smart enough to realize that Hillary Clinton's book sucks as badly as Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto, but what we don't know is why he ain't hiding in one of them Shakespeare books. You'd think people know well enough that those kind of books are long and don't make sense, but that's the whole friggin' point! If I was a Waldo crackhead, I'd hide in one of them "Choose-Your-Own-Adventure" books. I can read it all now:

You step out of a nightclub to find three potheads and a stereo. "Wuzzuh! Woohoo! Alcabides tells me shiny!" says you. Out of nowhere, a pink elephant and a donkey appear and melt in your hands as Jerry Garcia plays in your head.

To talk to the drunk chick, turn to page 69.
To smoke a bowl, turn to page 420
To visit Charles Manson, turn to page 666

Number 3: "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle"

Now, I'm a big Rocky and Bullwinkle fan, as Jay Ward cartoons were the best, before Disney and others thought it'd be profitable to buy off some the characters, thus giving us a lame George of the Jungle, complete with Disney inaccuracies, and Dudley Do-Right, a character no one remembers. Unfortunately, back in the NES days, these guys got the worst treatment, as Bullwinkle moves around with as much mobility, speed, and enthusiasm as Algore. And if there's anything more frightening than Bill Clinton, it's Algore or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Fighting evil Russian Pinkocrats is fun, but that kind of quality family fun comes at a price, and that, my friends, is the evil controls of death! I don't care if you have an NES Advantage or the ever-unpopular The Gamehandler for a controller, because this game hates you with every little pixel it has! That, and it looks like the Wayne's World video game. Sheeyah, right!

Number 2: Taboo: The Sixth Sense

Now, I know that there are hundreds of thousands of people throwing away good money towards Ms. Cleo's Psychic Tarot Card Gypsy Magic Mumbo Jumbo, but if you pooled all the stupid people's money altogether, take 0.001% of the cash out, and buy this game, you'd realize that all them people would still be able to afford their homes and booze. I don't know why the Christian Coalition doesn't bust down Ms. Cleo's door and condemn her for her witchcraft and wizardry much like they did to that atheistic Brit, Harry Potter^tm*, but I do know that Rare made this game. This was before Nintendo bought off a large chunck of Rare to ensure Rare made Nintendo-only games, so most of Rare's games sucked. And even more scary than a tarot card reading is a REAL tarot card reading, not one based on common sense. They might as well tell me that in the near future, I'll hang up and have to pay their bill.
*: Not that I have anything against Brits, and I didn't have a problem with them atheists until I found out that more than half of them were gangstas and white Mormon gangsta wanna-bes^**, but Harry Potter sucks, so I added a "tm" to the name, like Freddy^tm.
**: Not that I have anything against white Mormons, but when their kids grow up acting like they be trippin' in Cali, there's a big problem. Like, a psychological one. It's as bad as a French guy trying to shower. Okay, that's enough of my Conservative ranting for this article. Figure out the rest yourself.

Number 1: Last Action Hero

And finally, if you ever grew up in the 1990s and actually paid any attention, than you've heard about this movie. It's about Arnold whatchamacallhim as he runs around with a kid with a "Magic Ticket" that sucked him into Arnold's movie. In other words, it's a movie starring a kid getting sucked into a movie that's within the movie starring Arnold whosit to save both movies. It's a stupid plot, and if you ever check out them Guiness Book Of World Records, this movie is listed as the one that lost the most money. Why? It's because the movie sucked, no one wanted to watch it, and everyone saved up to see the Super Mario Bros. The Movie movie, but that... Is another story. And if this isn't the scariest game ever made in the history of video gaming, then I'd like to see any one of you try to top that!