 Fight Evil Bosses! INDEED!!!
Place this game as one of the greatest games ever made! River City Ransom is a game with action, adventure, comedy, romance, science fiction, and foreign film elements all rolled into one... Well, actually, its just a game about beating gang members into pulps. Regardless of the storyline, it's all in good fun as our two heros, Alex and Ryan, go out and crack skulls left and right.
You also spend a lot of time at malls, because they are safe zones. EVIL despises shopping malls, for they are like the churches for teens. You buy books like "Dragon Feet" and "Stone Hands" to make your attacks machine gun fast, kind of like Bruce Lee, but for teens. You also eat Pound Cakes and Apple Pies in one bite. And finally, you realize that $20 your mom gave you to begin your battle against EVIL isn't enough. How do you earn more cash? EVIL gang members and evil bosses carry money with them all the time. Just mug them for cash and your set. Moral of this story: "Gangs = money / money = food"
Whether it's thrashing an evil boss, knocking down evil gangs, or eating at Evil Mao's, tons of fun can be had at Evil River City High. The only thing horrible about this game is the awful password system, but you can get over it. Until then, bash evil in the head with a bat and have an fun and evil time. INDEED!!!
Sound: Beating someone to a pulp sounds like a Bruce Lee movie with all the smashing sounds your fist and feet make. And the music sounds EVIL!!! Control: Punch with "A"; kick with "B". Jump with both at the same time. Pause with "Start". Everything else you can figure out easily with EVIL ease. Fun: Beating up gang members is fun and many agree. This game is a cult classic to most NES owners! And you can always beat evil with PURE EVIL!!! INDEED!!!  |
Read the ransom letter that the main gang guy wrote. This speeds the faulty story along. He mumbles something about evil bosses and gangs, and something about demands. Upon further inspection of the letter, Alex and Ryan notice that evil boss extrodinaire, Slick, has put no demands down. But he does say he has evil bosses and gangs. Many evil bosses. Not pure evil, not EVIL!!!, not even PURE EVIL!!!, but evil. This is important to note, because as we all know, PURE EVIL!!! can defeat evil any time. If those evil bosses were any eviler than the evil they already possess, they would speak about it, but their mouths would not match the words they speak, as though they were the WWF's very own Kaientai. And those evil bosses must have their demands met unseen demands or they'll be in for the fight of their lives. No killing hostages. No destroying the planet. Not even ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!! Just a fight. A fight so big and evil, filled with evil bosses and evil weapons and even evil cheerleaders up in the evil bleachers. EVIL!!!
You start off in some school and the evil gang members begin to attack. You quickly realize that violence is the answer, and start beating people to a pulp. Some carry weapons like pipes, chains, and bats. Then you go deep into the streets and fight more gangs. What's the differences in the gangs? Shirt colors. One gang wears blue. Another wears red. And notice that every gang has the exact same members. Take a gander to the left pic. Gang members look so clean cut. Alex seems to not care, though, as he goes out, bat in hand, and thinks about tearing into the j-bros. Note that one has shades. Shades are a sign of is EVIL!!! And look at the guy in the back. He looks EVIL!!! EVIL is running through the light-blue gang. Nothing says EVIL more than matching shirt and jeans. But you have to realize that the shades make that one guy look more EVIL!!! After all, he wants you to think he is a "shady" character! Ha ha ha! INDEED!!! When they made this game, puns didn't need to be said out loud; they were walking around the game anyway.
To your right is something more evil than Slick or any evil boss can comprehende. As most WWF fans know, Kaientai is PURE EVIL!!! And PURE EVIL!!! can eliminate plain evil anytime. So when you play River City Ransom, remember that no matter how evil Slick and his evil bosses can be, just be glad you didn't have to fight the PURE EVIL!!! of Taka (left) or Funaki (right) of Kaientai. INDEED!!!