RRARRRRR! I STRONG!
If you grew up in the days of yore, also known as the eighties, you've probably seen them ugly ass M.U.S.C.L.E. things. Mattel made these twisted piles of plastic to make them look like wrestlers. It was their market scheme against actual wrestling action figures that look more like the Iron Sheik of Iran and Ric Flair, not like white turds that can clog a pipe in an instant's unnotice.
So while the rest of the normal people avoid this game at all costs and watch professional wrestling as a form of entertainment, the dumbasses can get themselves forty-two stitches near their eye because another dumbass thought he was The Rock and needed to DDT him into a cement wall. And those stitches aren't a badge of awesomeness. They're a metal that says "Backyard Wrestling Champion of Retards".
Sound: What sound? Oh, you mean that noise? Whatever. Control: As easy as they are, one has to wonder why you want to know how good the controls are for THIS PARTICULAR GAME! Fun: I'll just say no, right after I eat fresh at Subway and get the urge to herbal.
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Well, they get Bandai to make a video game for them. Bandai, as you may or may not know, has a track history of making crappy stuff, including but not limited to: manufacturing Saban toys, little key ring babies that die not from malnutrition but from batteries running out, and choking hazards not intended for children under the age of three years. Back then, however, they weren't yet making stupid VR Trooper and Power Ranger toys, but were making some video games. Among the most popular were the ever-so-unpopular Chubby Cherub and Power Rangers: Not Another Power Rangers Movie Part II: The Rath of Poorly Choreographed Martial Arts Fighting Sequences Not Involving George Lucas' Brain Fart For Using Guy From N'Suck In His Latest Star Wars Movie "Return Of Yet Another Cash Cow" 2000. In this game, however, you control a bunch of retarded kids as they punch and throw each other, causing much more trauma than their psychiatrist prescribes, and much more medication than their families can afford. However, they ARE LIVING IN THE CANADIAN BACKWOODS, which kind of justifies their being retarded kids. Backwood Canadians are like American Hillbillies, in that they are drunk, inbred, and toothless. However, unlike American Hillbillies, Backwood Canadians can't become Beverly Hillbillies like Buddy Ebsen.
Anyway, all matches are tag team matches. Each character has a completely different set of moves. For example, while the kid in the knight's costume can stick out his fist like a punch, the kid in the viking costume just sticks his fist out, hoping it may one day become an actual punch. Also, everyone tends to German Suplex one another constantly. I know that professional wrestling is choreographed, and if you don't, you are a dumbass, but I know that if someone gets you in a German Suplex unexpectedly, I don't care if your retarded ass thinks you're Superman, because you're gonna end up like Christopher Reeve: crippled and unpopular. This is why I don't like backyard wrestling as well. A bunch of kids as retarded as the M.U.S.C.L.E. kids run around, hitting each other with baseball bats and setting each other's genitals on fire, and for what? For fun. Professional wrestlers get PAID to do what they do, and they actually know what they are doing. Retarded kids, on the other hand, don't know punching from fisting. That's why they are called "retarded". You don't earn that title because you wear a Care Bear shirt and pin mittens to your sleeves. You earn it because you allowed your other retarded friend to bash you in the head with a socket wrench. There's a difference between "mentally challenged" and just plain "retarded". In fact, I'll just stop calling retarded people retarded. I'll just call them dumbasses.