 Starring A Link Clone And A Duck Shopkeeper
Many NES gamers have played the original Legend Of Zelda. Playing on the popular concept of heroes that wear elf clothing stolen from Santa's Workshop, Hudson also made a game starring a little elf guy who wore the same thing as Link. The guy's name was Milon, and his story neither made sense nor entertained us in the least. Simply put, if you thought A Boy And His Blob was a bad concept, you ain't seen nothing yet in the world of sucky games.
So next time you go to the land of Hudson, remember a few things. Don't interrupt the CEO's drinking binges. Don't dress like a chubby elf from a certain video game. And don't talk to Duck Shopkeepers; you wouldn't know that he was talking out of his mouth.
Sound: If KISS or Metallica were in the game, the sound quality would be boosted. However, the music in this game sucks, and the sound effects suck. They just threw in sound effects and didn't care where they went. Control: Jumping is hard, especially for a guy who has the same stats as Link. Shooting enemies with bubbles is hard when you can't control where the shots go half the time. Fun: Yeah, the review was harsh. But the game is fun enough to play at least twice. Don't expect a high replay value, though.  |
Our story begins with Milon, who is a blatant Link lookalike, who lives in the magical world of Hudson, where game producers make Bomberman games and help Nintendo make Mario Parties. In this situation, Milon asks the CEO of Hudson to make a game starring him. The CEO, who was drunk at the moment after out-drinking Ted Kennedy via the Internet, thought Milon was Link and said "Ahhrrgg... Sure, ya lit'l green Nintender stooge! I'll make yer game meself." After throwing up and signing legally binding documents, the CEO shook Milon's hand and then promptly collapsed on the floor. Milon was all excited about the new game that he lost his voice. Apparently, in the land of Hudson, everyone communicates with music. Milon doesn't know anything about music, so he searches the land for the greatest of bands: KISS! As most people know, KISS will do anything for a buck, whether it be playing at a concert in Iceland or allowing the production of a sucky game or even showing up at WCW for no reason. You name it, KISS will do it, but for a price. Milon decides to venture to the castle of Queen Eliza, who manages KISS in the land of Hudson. However, upon arriving at her secret castle, he finds out that the evil Maharito, manager for the band Metallica in the land of Hudson, has captured the Queen and the castle. So Milon decides to go back to Hudson HQ and asks the guys there to record all the happenings that take place and use it in the game. Of course, his voice is gone, and he can't use music, so he shows them the legally binding contract, and away they go.
Milon thinks his game will be successful. The guys at Hudson are practically hanging themselves for letting this Link clone take control of them. Milon has a variety of attacks. He can shoot bubbles. He can get hit in the head by a boxing glove, which shrinks him. He can also jump over obstacles and purchase items from a Duck Shopkeeper. There are many puzzles in the castle, and they require you to do overelaborate things, such as pushing a box for five minutes until it moves, or bashing your head against a box. Even shooting boxes gives you the cash you need to hire KISS. Go for it, Milon! We know your game sucks, but we're right behind you! You are required to listen to the Duck Shopkeeper, and the hints he gives are so jumbled, the Old Man from Legend Of Zelda would have a fit.
And so with these amazing powers and help, Milon discovers he needs to find seven crystal balls to save the Queen. They are worth $2,000,000 each, and you need them to pay the evil Metallica manager's hefty ransom demands. With speed and grace, Milon stumbles and bumbles his way through the castle, hoping to find a way to the top. He makes very unnecessary trips through doors, windows, and bottomless wells, all in an attempt to make a game. In the end, Milon and Hudson get sued by Nintendo for blatant copyright infringement, Hudson starts making Mario Parties, Milon is put to jail for illegal infringement and making a sucky game, and they all live happily ever after, except for KISS, who neither get any money nor ever appear in this game.