 ZZZZAP!
Nintendo had this great game idea. It was to be educational. It was about a nurse named Samus, and her job was to zap Hemroids with a laser.
The bottom row can be either a series of blanks or a series of hyphens. With it, you get a ton of stuff like extra health tanks, missiles, either a Wave Beam or Ice Beam, and you get to play as Samus without her suit. And for the hormone-driven fetishes out there, to your right is a picture of Samus, with an extreme close-up of her belly. She's built like a rock, ain't she? Although it would have made a terrible medical game, it's great that it's a funky space game. If you haven't played it yet, A POX ON THEE!
Sound: Beeps and buzzes are the main course, for both sound effects and music. It should have been a 3.0, but I gave it extra for not having weird anal noises. Thumbs up again! Control: Jumping, ducking, shooting, and moving! It's hard not to understand how this works! Unless, of course, your hand was caught in a machine... Fun: It's a game for everyone! Sci-fi fans, action fans, and fetishes will love it! Unless you're into medicine...  |
Well, Nintendo decided that the game wouldn't sell if it was about Hemroids, so they renamed the game "Metroid". It was not about flying bungholes with mass clusters of Hemroids, but about an alien species known as the Metroid. And Samus was quickly made a bounty hunter instead of an anal-probing nurse. The game didn't sell to well in Japan, as folks stated that "the game ain't as mature as when it was called Hemroids". The U.S. market got a whiff of it though. Metroid, not Hemroids. It was a classic game, with action, adventure, a brain in a jar, a fat guy that shot needles, and a guy with a pickle for a head. They were a crazy band of who-knows-what! I believe they were supposed to be an evil band of hemroid patients before they were turned into pirates and stuff.
Samus goes around with a gun that shoots Mega Man pellets, and blasts enemies into a circular wavy explosion thing. She goes about doing a million flips while in mid-air, moving her feet faster than the distance she travels, and masters a great new technique called "shooting upwards". She also suffers from not being able to duck. Or she does for a while. She finds this mysterious orb that allows her to not only duck, but to roll around the ground as well. Apparently, like other guys in bulky space suits, crouching down is an impossibility. But with Samus's amazing orb power-up, ducking is as easy as pushing the down arrow on your directional pad. What will they think of next? At least she doesn't need a power-up to jump, but she does get one that allows her to do a trillion flips in mid-air, making all enemies explode on contact. It's one of those new fangled abili-bobs that have been running around in recent times, and allows you to push the A button more than your B button.
This game also features one of the most missed codes of all time. The code wasn't featured until a few years after release. It was a password that goes as follows: