 Entertaining Over [5] Customers
With every form of media and entertainment, man has found ways to stick an advertisement in it. Newspapers have ads. Television has commercials. Roads have billboards. The Internet has banners and pop-up ads. Even buses have posters on the side of them. Then there are video games. Not only did McDonalds have an advertisement for the NES, you had to buy it. Sound like fun?
Despite all that, the game never came with a Happy Meal, it was sold for far more than a Big Mac, and only five people would actually like this game. Sorry, Ronald, but your evil brainwashing plans didn't work. Simply put, the game sucks.
Sound: AHH!!! The game does it's best to mindlessly brainwash you into this sappy musical theme that would make any burger patron go vegetarian! Control: Take the jumping ability of Luigi from Super Mario Bros. 2, the walking ability of Boy from A Boy And His Blob, and the throwing capabilities of an armless Yankees pitcher, and you have the controls in a nutshell. If you spill a small drink on the controller, the controls get easier. Fun: Don't let me tell you how bad a game based on a fast food chain is. DON'T!  |
The story of this ad-in-itself game is about two kids who wear the same shirt and pants. They are camping out in a backyard, reading a book about Ronald McDonald. Where'd they get the book? Apparently, Ronald has a magic bag of tricks, like all good, creepy clowns. Then, all of a sudden, like in those "Reading Is Fundamental" ads you see while watching NBA games, the kids magically get whisked away to the land of shameless McDonald advertising, where Ronald hires the kids to capture the Hamburgler, who stole Ronald's bag of tricks. Don't understand yet? Let me explain. When McDonalds is subjected to crime, instead of calling the police, they call upon a couple of 8-year old kids, because everybody knows kids are the best crime fighters.
Then the game begins. You go from level to level, looking for things like Magic: The Gathering cards and golden arches. If you get four Magic cards, Ronald will tell you where his next door neighbor, Birdie, lives. Could she live, I dunno... NEXT DOOR? Anyway, little kids run around the land, which is made out of green McDonald's grease deposits, which is why you slip and slide a lot. You also jump high, due to the high levels of caffine in your system from all the large drinks you've been ordering. It sounds more and more like a McDonalds adventure every second! But wait! There's more! The Hamburgler has hired a bunch of gophers, snails, and bouncing flowers to kill the kids! The land of McDonalds is not a very safe place for two little kids.
You basically attack evil enemies by picking up blocks and throwing them at the Hamburgler cronies. It's a lot like Doki Doki Panic/Super Mario Bros. 2, only you play as a kid with less control than a Luigi jump made by a sticky controller. After wandering around the land, you quickly realize a few things. For starters, there is so much blue in the game, that your self-esteem crumbles for no reason, and makes Ronald seem like the only escape from depression. And the quick fix to cure depression is to get hungry for McDonalds burgers. That's all the game is about. It begins it's most sinister and evil plan: To brainwash you into buying only at McDonalds! AHHH!!!... I'm hungry!