"Terrorist Are Planning"
You know, it seems that Sunsoft can never make a bad game. Blaster Master and Lemmings kick ass, and this game is no exception. Okay, so CodieKitty had to pressure me to review this game. So? I'm glad she did. I've been missing out on this kick ass game. My reluctance to is a product of television conditioned rudeness. Meh.
"Okay, so basically, this game rocks, because I star in it! Get it now, or I'll bust a cap in your ass! Now for my awesome rating system!"
Sound: This game's music is the beats! I'm hip hop rockin' till the break-a-break-a dawn! Control: Maybe it's just me, but I'd like an easier way to get weapons out. Fun: Fun? Yes! Why? It's like Mega Man with ducking, sucka!
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Okay, maybe it's not the television. Maybe it's because I've been amused by the greatest story of all time; that of the game Zero Wing, in which Cats has captured all your base. Well, that all changed after playing this game. It starts off with a large nuclear explosion, followed by the passing of Jay, our hero, 's father (note my proper use of the lingo/grammar). Anyway, Jay finds a floppy disc, because as we all know, floppy discs are the wave of the future. Those crappy ass CDs and DVDs and ZIP drives you all got are inferior to the awesome power of the floppy disc! Anyway, Jay plays the disc. "I hear the terrorist are planning against the colony development." "Damn it, Dad," says Jay, "can't you talk good?" "You must complete my mission if I cannot." Jay replies, "Okay, Dad. I dunno what you said, but I'll get that Osama Bin Laden bastard!" And thus, the adventure of a lifetime begins, as Jay gets a cool-looking Tron outfit on without helmet, ala Blaster Master, jacks a handgun and shotgun, and runs around a delapadated city, blasting the crap out of robots and stuff.
Yes, I love poorly written storylines. It ain't Sunsoft's fault, though. It's the dumbass Japanese-to-American translator that let his son, a high school student studying English, translate the game. "Dis game rocku! Is good transurator me! I get A prus in Engrish!" Lazy ass Japanese translators that let their sons translate. That, or it's because game programmers didn't learn English until 1995. Either way, someone assed the story up, and we all got a good laugh out of it. But back to the gameplay, which we haven't even touched yet. Oh, speaking of English, why do Americans have to learn English anyway? Number one, I'm never going to England. Number two, I know how to speak English. Number three, you don't see Japanese students learning Japanese, because they're learning Nihongo, sucka! I guess what I'm trying to say is that America gets screwed when it comes to American classes. And besides that, I'm working my ass of trying to write a good article about this bitchin' game, and instead I'm rambling on about how much I think an English class sucks. Oh, well. Go figure.
This game is a lot like a Mega Man game, only Jay knows how to duck, whereas the Blue Bomber can do a gay ass slide to avoid stuff. In addition, Jay doesn't need to beat the crap out of another strategically and remotely placed robot in a small cubical to get new weapons, because Jay just kind of finds them lying around. Also, Jay doesn't fly backwards into a pit as much as Mega Man. All of your enemies range from robots that hop to robots that walk to robotic missile launchers planted on the ground to even robotic flying monkeys that fly out of robotic butts (Yeah, I got tired of saying "ass", as I have said it nine times counting the "ass" I wrote within these parenthesis... Oh, I guess it's ten now. Oh, well. I'm done saying "ass" for now... Crap.). Some robots fly in the air and shoot pellets at you, and when they hit you, you cry about how much your... Butt hurts. You know what? I'm pissed off now because my creative streak is almost gone. I'm done writing this review. Jay can tell you the rest of the game himself.