 ". . . ."
Secret agents are great, ain't they? They go around doing secret agent stuff, shoot people with no remorse, and hit on women all the time. Unlike most secret agents, though, Golgo 13, a.k.a. Duke Togo, has something most British secret agents don't: freelance assassin status, a custom made M-16, and the greatest catchphrase since "Bond, James Bond."
And so ends a chapter in the funtastical and exitarifical world of that magical place known as Secret Agent Land. Duke learns that although his catchphrase ". . . ." is a great pick-up line when hitting on women at the local pub, and it does great when terrorizing children and spies alike, it does no good in real life scenarios.
Sound: This is one of the first games with actual voice dialogue. Well, only for Duke Togo, that is. I mean, how hard is it to record ". . . ." into a less-than-MIDI sound file? As for music, just mute it. It's never worth listening to twice, or the first time, for that matter. Control: Duke Togo jumps a million miles into the sky with the "A" button. He jumpkicks with "B" until he kills his first KGB agent for ammo. Then he shoots a gun. Ducking does no good in this game, as KGB agents are smaller than he is. And doing an actual jump and kick never connects. Fun: As cool as Duke Togo is, his game is impossible to beat, and there's no fun in all the stupid dialogue Duke gets himself into.  |
See the picture to your left? That lady is from an organization called FIXER. She is informing Duke Togo about how he didn't shoot the virus-carrying helicopter over NYC the night before. Togo, knowing that 1) He is not in NYC, but East Berlin; 2) Knows who he shot and didn't shoot; and 3) Thinks this informant is only there because he thinks she has the I.Q. of a bean, decides to respond with a friendly ". . . ." The greatest catchphrase of all consists of four dots with spaces between them. What does it mean? Morse code? Silence? Or does it just mean that talking to this woman is stupid because you already know you didn't shoot a helicopter. Who knows, but for now, Duke Togo goes out and roams around the KGB-infested streets of East Berlin to find some guy named Condor.
So out you go into the streets of Berlin and wouldn't you know it? A gun appears out of nowhere and shoots at you. The KGB are after you, so you take out your custom made M-16 and start shooting away. As most people know, back in Cold War times, the Reds had no intention to police the streets, but let roaming KGB agents go around shooting whoever they want. So you go into this first-person perspective and start blasting away at acrobatic KGB thugs. They jump and spin and do all sorts of crazy carnival tricks in an attempt to shoot you. Sometimes helicopters come down at you to, and shoot missles that only damage you, not the surrounding scenery. But since helicopter armor is as tough as human flesh, a shot or two should send it crashing.
After a while, you duck into a subway station and see another woman talking to you about the whereabouts of Condor. Being the smart secret agent Duke is, he knows this is the same lady from before with a different color dress. After she is done talking, Duke decides to respond with a casual ". . . ." After that, it's back out into the streets. Thinking about all that he has been through in the past few minutes, he says to himself ". . . ." And with that, he goes back out into the Russian-plagued streets of East Berlin.
While walking through the streets once again, the KGB found out that they can also attack Togo from the same side of the street he is in. With this new found talent, the KGB walk towards the secret agent and just start shooting without warning. Of course, you can't really tell the difference between a civilian and a KGB agent because they wear the same thing. The only difference is that civilians are immune to bullets, whereas KGB agents explode. See that to the right? KABOOM! Does Duke feel sorry for the guy he shot? ". . . ." Well, that answers it.
After looking all about for this guy named Condor, Duke decides that this whole day was a complete waste, and so he goes to the subway. There, he finds a guy that wants to scalp him his subway ticket. Duke replies ". . . ." once more, and with that the train leaves. And there he sits, thinking to himself ". . . .", which I think means that he will never get out of this game if his life depended on it.