 Felix, The Driving Cat
Do you know your TV trivia? Of course you don't! That's why I'm here to do the thinking for you! Television is great, ain't it?
Despite all that, it's a decent platform game. Wanna mock all corporate creation? Wanna sell your soul to drive like an SNL cat? Wanna copy cereal ads? This game almost does it. It might as well.
Sound: Fits the mood, sort of, but after a while, the music will make you drive your head through a wood plank. It's just that once the music ends, you'd think it's finally over. Then it replays. Again and again until you turn off the game and read some Calvin and Hobbes comics from the Star. Trust me, you WILL look for the comics in a tabloid before listening to the music ever again! Control: Basically, anything you do, whether it be riding a tank or running around in a suit, it's still a short range attack. Typical Super Mario Bros. control setting. Fun: You'll play it for a while. You'll like it for a while. Then you'll make fun of Felix for the rest of your life. Why? His adventure makes no sense, that's why! And his Magic Bag Of Crap might as well belong to Ronald McDonald. Speaking of which, I think the Hamburger sold the bag to Felix after stealing it from Ronald on M.C. Kids.  |
See, when TV was first perfected, this guy called Felix was the first character broadcasted over the airwaves. Felix has this problem with wrinkled old farts who want to steal his magic bag of crap. Get your own bag, Mr. Burns! Oh, wait! In that long conversation, Felix decides to look above his screen and notices that the Dr. Wily wanna-be has kidnapped some chick. So off Felix goes doing who-knows-what to stop Dr. Mold Spice from gawking at the female feline, as he runs around the place like Lucky, as though everyone was after his Lucky Charms. "Meow! You can't get me Lucky Charms! I'll use me Big Bag Magic to make me green clovers, blue moons, and powdered milk!" Good thing General Mills didn't sue the guys who made this game. Next thing you know, you'll have Heathcliff run around like Tony the Tiger, and Garfield try to steal lasagna like the Trix rabbit. "That lasagna will be mine! Red-a-dee tomato, rich-a-dee flour, and herb-a-dee spices will be mine!" Then Jon would say something like "Silly Garfield! Lasagna is for Odies!"
In addition to running around without a clue of where he's going, Felix also collects icons with his face on them, which sometimes gives him the power to conjur up some Milk Bottles and circles with "M"s on them. The milk makes the Ms last longer. Oh, yeah, I forgot! M stands for Magic. Clever, eh? Now, the Magic Bag doesn't do anything cool. It doesn't make white tigers disappear, nor does it allow it to broadcast Penn & Teller Sin City Spectaculars on a weekly basis, nor does it cast Magic: The Gathering cards for 5 less generic mana. All it does is allow Felix to wear suits and ride vehicles. You'd think Felix could use it to make Dr. Mold Spice disappear...
You know, back in the day, there was this show called Saturday Night Live. Not the ones like today. The ones I'm talking about had a great cast. One of the best skits they did was "Toonces, The Driving Cat". Well, Felix drives a car for a weapon. It ain't a funny car like Toonces drives. This car doesn't drive off cliffs. Instead, it has one wheel, it looks more like the passenger car of a motorcycle, and it fires "Beep" attacks at people. He also has a tank, for which he can shoot... Whatever that thing is. It looks like a volleyball, but it has a clown face on it. It bounces around the ground for a little while, causing children and old people to scream in terror and run for the hills! And all these "Magic" power-ups can be "Magically" counteracted by one hit from anybody. The tank is about as strong as a Fruit Loop and the car is about as sturdy as a Firestone tire.