 Fast Food Entertainment
When you're in the pit trying to find something funny to say about a game no one pays attention to, it does strange things. For example, here I am rambling on about how it's strange that I can't find anything funny to say about this game. Well, it's because when my life revolves around eating hamburgers and watching TV, the most fun you can have would be from watching all the funny happenings in the TV world.
Do me a favor. Go to McDonalds, flip off the employees, and leave. Repeat at Funcoland, because the service in my area sucks. Then repeat at your nearest IRS building, because taxes suck. It's the American way!
Sound: Once again, no sound, no help, no hope. At least I don't have to listen to much. Control: The best part of this game is the controls, and they can't even get that right. Play it once and you'll see why. Fun: Okay for a quick game, but don't expect it to grip you with fun, fun, fun!  |
For example, whenever you watch an old western on TV, say The Rifleman starring Chuck Conners, you know that comparing those day to today, violence today dropped. Sure, today there's more blood and gore, but back then, The Rifleman would shoot about three times as many people as the current police drama or any other movie shows. And they glorified it. I mean, it makes you think that it's okay to blow away twelve dead beats because they called you, of all things, a "sod buster". The Matrix couldn't do that, so they made up for it by making Ted... I mean, what's his name? That Reeves guy... Anyway, he jumps into a guy and makes him explode into light and skin. That's violent? I'm more afraid of the man with the rifle than the man that could fly into my body. That, and The Matrix's only good point was the fact that everyone moved slow, floated in the air, and used all that cheesy computer special effects. Give me The Getaway with Steve McQueen than any modern day action movie of today. True story.
Oh, back to the game. Well, you control a chef that throws pepper on walking sausages and eggs hellbent on killing you. In the process, you step on buns, lettuce, and meat patties to make them fall onto a giant plate, thus saving Burger King. Or something. I can't give you much detail than that, since I told you everything. Speaking of burgers, White Castle and Krystal both have great mini hamburgers. Mmmm... Burgers... I'd eat there before I'd eat at McDonalds. Why? McDonalds doesn't pay their employees enough. Well, no business nowadays does, but McDonalds could afford it, if they weren't so stingy. What we need is to go back to industrial America. Then, and only then, will America be safe from illegal immigrants, overseas factories, and that so-called "free trade" that allows people to trade to us for nothing, but we have to pay a tax on all exports... Well, it's not like America has any factories anymore...