 PUNCH = HOLE
What defines a bad game? When the game is either boring, hard, uninspiring, or a combination of all three. But nothing is worse than a game that not only takes all three aspects, but also incorporates Atari 2600 graphics, ear-drilling sounds, and controls so painful it hurts to even watch someone trying to play it. Absolute Entertainment, Inc. boldly goes where no other game has sucked before.
So the next time you want to play a game that just plain sucks, grab this from your local FuncoLand retailer. Tell them to give it to you for free, because you know you can get it somewhere else for free plus you earn $5.00 in the process. That's how bad this game is.
Sound: Now if the Atari 2600 fell down the stairs, you know the TV set went with it. Some drunk decided that the Atari wasn't worth it and threw up all over it. Then, after he awoke from his hangover, he found that the Atari barely worked. Plugging it in, he found that it made a loud humming sound. A sound that is better than anything you will hear from this game. Control: Boy has sneakers that are made out of the finest in Crisco technology. By running, he can slide a million miles on concrete, dirt, and just about anything. Also, Boy has horrible aim when it comes to tossing Blob a Jellybean. Also note that Blob has horrible aim, too, in that he can never seem to catch a Jellybean. They must have been blinded by the game's horrible graphics. Fun: You know, Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy has more fun vomitting after playing quarters with Jake "The Snake" Roberts than you can ever have playing this game.  |
The games stars a boy named Boy. Quite an original name. Next time you want to name your newborn boy and can't think of a name, just name him Boy. That's what Boy's parents did. Boy has this blob that moves around and eats jellybeans. The Blob has an actual name, unlike Boy. His name sucks just as bad as Boy's name: Blobert. So let's just call him Blob. Blob comes from this planet called Blobolonia. Yes, everything has a dumb blob-word association. Blob turns into different things according to what he eats. Punch Jellybeans turn him into a hole, which Boy can fall through. Licorice Jellybeans turn Blob into a ladder, which Boy can climb. And feeding Blob this game pak turns him into a turnstyle, so Boy can push it around and around.
Does this game have a story? You bet! A story as exciting as the game itself. Apparently, it is the 21st century. Modern boys don't have normal friends, mainly because they have dumb names like Boy and Kid, and so they get friends from outer space, friends like Blob the blob and Marvin the martian with a spitoon for a hat. An evil dictator has taken over Blobolonia, and Blob wants Boy to help him get the planet back, because everyone knows that 21st century boys know how to save planets. So they run down the street from their house and end up near the subway, where they can collect treasure. They need the treasure to buy vitamins, which are actually Jellybeans, but to Blobs its all the same. And you go about doing stupid things in an attempt to save this dumb planet from the comfort of your own home.
Now finding treasure is tough. The first treasure you find is in a subway. Yeah, gold just lies all over the place, you know. So you turn Blob into a hole with the only useful Jellybean in the game, the Punch Jellybean. You make a hole to fall, and you use a ladder to get the first treasure. So you're asking about the rest of the treasure? Make Blob become a hole in the subway floor and you fall into a cavern. After exploring for a few minutes, you find out a few things, like Boy has the worst pair of sneakers ever made, because they make Boy slide across the room constantly. You also find that there seems to be no escape from the cavern. And finally, jumping off cliffs is fun. So much fun, in fact, that because you have about 22 tries, you'll jump off it 22 times.