 "RADIOACTIVE!"
This isn't about those two guys from "Mad Max", the weird movie about a guy in a leather suit. Here's the story of Blaster Master:
Eventually, you'll fight statues, a brain with a spinning circle shield, and maybe this thing called a Plutonium Boss. But that... Is another story... Until then, let's watch "Once Upon A Hamster", as Hammy and GP talk about being nice and stuff...
Sound: EWWW... You have to listen to the same tune over and over again. It's telling you "HEY! Hurry up and fight a boss, or else you'll have to listen to this some more!" By this time, I got so confused, I lost. And then I weeped. Fortunately, my TV has "Volume" buttons... Control: As easy as they are, there are some pretty screwed-up concepts here! The biggest problem? Why do I have to press down to enter a temple? Shouldn't I press up instead? Fun: I don't care how much you think the story sucks! It's fun to shoot things! It's fun to blow up stuff! And it's fun to run around the game like a fat Bomberman guy that doesn't explode on contact! Hey, why save a princess when you can save a frog? Counter-ReviewFor once I'm dissapointed in one of MC's reviews. First off, the plot is more than finding a frog1! It's about a kid who's lost in a world full of blood-thirsty mutants ready to rip him apart limb-from-limb and the only way he can get out is to kill every mutant in sight. The reason I'm so mad with this is everyone is saying Jason's a retard for many of the things in MC's review. First: He was tending to Fred when Fred jumped out! Second: That box of radiation came from the Plutonium Boss, not Jason! Third: Jason jumped down the hole out of confusion because of what was going on! Also, I totally disagree with the Sound rating! Sure, the boss music is just a few notes over and over but that's because Sunsoft didn't want to distract you with the music because the bosses are so hard2. The game has an outstanding soundtrack. The tune to Area 6 is one of the 10 best songs I've ever heard. I disagree with the reason for the Control Rating. I would rate it that because once you get the Wall abilities the Controls are a little annoying. Note to those who said Jason's a retard: TRY PLAYING THE GAME BEFORE YOU SAYING ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT IT!3 Webmaster's Note: She knows what she's talking about, I don't. I poke fun at the little things, and she knows the whole friggin' game better than me. Although this site is for NES humor, if you disagree with something, say something! Don't just idle there like a brain-dead beanbag looking for a cookie in your Temporary Internet Files folder. The story is more than just saving a frog. Don't ask me, though, cause I won't know. And remember: All my reviews suck! Webmaster's Endnotes: 1) It is more than about a frog. Heck, there's more to Mario than getting high off of Mushrooms. 2) I never did get far in that game. The first level's music annoyed me because I didn't get far in the game. End of story. The music is better, though, after listening to the later levels, but still, if you were like me and couldn't get past the first level, the music WILL annoy you after a while. 3) I played the game. I think Jason is retarded. You know, Jason Voorhees, the psycho-killer from Friday The 13th? Oh, you mean Jason FRUDNICK! That's a different story. If you can blast the crap out of all kinds of grey mutants, then you ain't retarded; you're a God-like crap-blasting machine!  |
With a great story plot comes great gameplay. You drive around in a tank shooting a legion of flying hedge clippers and weird monkey creatures seen on old Hanna-Barbera action cartoons like Space Ghost and Herculoids. And you blast them all away in an attempt to save a frog from jumping. And with your ultra-sleek Tron outfit, you might be able to find the ultra-secret level where you race in a blue and black grid against a green driver wearing a green Tron suit. Until then, you're better off fighting grey enemies, exploring jungles and lakes, and ultimatly finding your pet frog, who is now radioactive, fat, and who-knows-where. It's that kind of storyline that makes professional writers like Ernest Hemmingway look like suckers.
So I guess you're supposed to find these weird temples or something, and you press select to hop out of your tank to enter these temples. Don't waste your time pressing up to enter. You'll need to press down. It's that kind of backwards logic that will make your mission to save a frog a difficult one. In this overhead mode, you shoot Kirby air pellets and throw red pineapples at people, which both represent laser blasts and grenades, in no particular order. Both are unlimited in the ammo department, but there are other fine weapons within these temples that make your tank so strong, all who oppose are jus' crusin' for a brusin'!