X-Box: Action 52 Times $$$It's been out for a while, and Christmas shoppers are just as eagar to purchase it as they are to purchase GameCubes, Hot Wheels, and International House Of Pancakes franchises. While it's quite obvious my Christmas shopping is made easier by these parents purchasing nothing but the worst in William Money Gates products, it's made harder to those that actually want one of these Black Boxes. My purchasing of NES games is overshadowed by their hoarding of precious trash. As you read this article, like most of the things in this site, place your mouse cursor on each picture, as it explains stupid commercial messages Microsoft tricks you all with. To your left is a fine example of what to expect from an X-Box. Dead Or Alive 3 is every EverQuest player's dream since pictures of half-naked half-elf-human women came to the scene. It's a step up from Tomb Raider and a step down from Striptease. While many speculate that the X-Box will win the console wars due to it's "superior" Pentium II processor, it's "excellent" Windows XP, and it's array of Windows-related programs, it will be WinZip, WinAmp, WinMX, and Dead Or Alive 3's ample assets that will help money in his quest to be the video gaming best. (NOTE: Windows XP and WinZip will not be included, as Microsoft will just drop it in time for the holidays, whereas WinAmp and WinMX are not Microsoft products, though they bear the "Win" name.)
 X-Box bears the heavy price tag of $300+ U.S. currency, which is about $9,359,188,436,554,432.03 Canadian currency, or 2 newborn infants. In the midst of recession, many want to blame George W. Bush for it. After all, he is president. I remember the first few days he was in office. The economy started slumping, and everyone stated "HE'S SCROOING DA $$$! HE A EVEL PRESIDUNT!" It's nice to blame a Republican for money troubles, but if you paid close attention to the Clinton regime, they did nothing for the economy near the end of the term. Result: Failing economy. That, and Alan Greenspan keeps screwing with the interest rates. Which brings me to my next point. If Alan Greenspan and Money Gates got in a fight over the price of the X-Box, no one could ever afford it in the first place. Thus, it is Dead Or Alive 3 that will have to save the day. I remember when the NES had pixelated women, as seen in the Kung Fu screenshot to the right of this paragraph. Perverts would hide in closets and play not only Kung Fu, but Hot Slots, Bubble Bath Babes, and Athena to feed their need. Then again, only two people in the world ever owned any of these games, so perversion would come in full swing later in the gaming era.
 In the Atari era, X-Box gamers had Mystique, a gaming company that catered in poorly-made X-rated games that made no sense. They had classics such as the widely-acclaimed Knight On The Town, which featured a pixel that no one would touch. Afterwards, X-Box gamers had, during the NES era, Panesian made some X-rated garbage in the form of Bubble Bath Babes, Hot Slots, and Peek-A-Boo Poker. Afterwards, gamers turned to their computers, catalogs, and VCRs for a cheap thrill, as hentai and interactive fiction took the lead. If you don't know what hentai is, it's like watching an anime, only more perverse. It's strongly recommended that you avoid it at all cost; otherwise, you will feel stupid and be humiliated by your parents and friends for the rest of your hentai-viewing lives. Just ask your neighbor or your stereotypical heavy-breathing Trekkie. If he isn't busy in his room spying on the neighborhood hottie through a telescope, he's checking out a hentai site. This kind of kid has a problem, and must be dealt with accordingly. Show him some of those nasty STD pictures they show in high school sex education classes. If not, feed him Viagra till he collapses and writhes in pain and agony. Either way, he WILL spew chunks all over the floor, which is more honorable and more acceptable than hentai-viewing.
 If you're wondering a trend in these pictures, there is a reason. X-Box gamers talk about Halo and Oddworld so much, that their pet exclusive, Dead Or Alive 3 is more the taboo title. It's a "hush-hush, I'm busy" kind of title than Halo is. If you have a friend that has this game, and lets you visit to play Halo while proudly displaying Dead Or Alive 3 in visible site, it's either a cry for help or the kid's trying to say "This game rocks... Literally!" This kid needs to be taken out and horse-whipped, because those days he's "too busy to hang out with you" is another bona-fide cry for help. Scare him straight by playing Frankie Goes To Hollywood and Devo non-stop in front of his house until he throws the game at the loud speakers. Be forewarned, though, as this estranged method of rehabilitation could also change his social lifestyle forever, and he may sue you after attempting to feel you first, and isn't that what friendship is not about?
 In all, X-Box is not about gaming, as are any of the new video game systems out there. X-Box is a subliminal message. Why'd you think "X" was put in the name? We all knew the WWF's X-Pac was a fruit after seeing him use Bronco Busters on every man face he saw, and the X-Zone isn't just an alternate dimension in the U.S. Final Fantasy III for the SNES. It's all part of Money's plan to corrupt the minds of video gamers with unnaturally large boobies and stereotypical sex symbols plastered all over the place. I knew Bill Gates represented the stereotypical computer geek, but not so much as to be swooned over by polygons and sprites. So this Christmas, I urge everyone to please, AVOID the X-Box at all costs! It's as bad as hentai, if not worse. To make up for it, purchase an NES, with quality games such as Golgo 13: Top Secret Episode and A Boy And His Blob. You'll look stupid now, but you'll have more pride in your overall visage than the X-Box gamer will have in his pants.
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