One day, the United States Government, some irresponsible teenagers with no friends, your tax dollars, and Jon Bon Jovi gather around to make fun of tobacco and the entire Philip Morris coalition of corporate 'stablishmentarians. Bon Jovi ended up leaving to resurrect his music career, though, and what we ended up with was Truth, a string of commercials that teach us how smoking is bad, and why cutting a brain in half makes it bleed. When your work force in anti-tobacco advertisements involve dressing up in cowboy attire and prancing around like fruits, it's no wonder people don't like these commercials.

Truth doesn't just want to attack Big Tobacco. They also attack people who smoke tobacco. The reason for this is because of the teenager's hatred towards camels ever since the kids grew up around them near the circus. The ringmaster would beat the kids into having freaky circus sex with the camels. It never worked. Little Osama Bin Laden would always get first billing for that stint. After watching an episode of Underdog, a commercial for Camels brand cigarettes would appear, and so the kids knew what to do: KILL JOE CAMEL!

It wasn't that easy, though. Not until a trend of death and smoking would the crusade against tobacco and camels take effect. After Osama lost his job as a circus freak and became a psycho goat-rider that hates those Westerners, the other kids thought making the government fight smoking would be a neat cause. After mailing Ronald Reagan and George Bush, Sr. some letters of help, they were forced back into Capitalism, where they would work as burger flippers until Bill Clinton gave them a ray of hope, in the form of funding.

Now, Clinton was a sick man. In addition to sexually harassing fat and ugly women, Slick Willy also gave Truth their means to attack Big Tobacco. The end result? Urinals, cowboy hats, some plastic lungs covered in charcoal, and dog poop made their way into commercials, single-handedly evading censorship, and making it's way into the minds of everyday people.

It's a known fact that Truth causes more people to smoke than it prevents. Most people, after seeing body bags being dumped into city property, immediately stockpiled Marlboros and Camels in fear that a tobacco recession would hit Americans. It's like the Y2K crisis, only with tobacco. The fear was that Big Tobacco would go out of business, because Socialism was rearing it's ugly head into their affairs, much like Clinton rearing his fat head into ugly affairs.

So what is Truth's ultimate goal? Support for the legalization of marijuana. Tobacco and weed have been racing for position as the leader of the smoking community, and while most Conservatives like to keep the old tradition of smoking tobacco for a buzz, it's the Liberals who want the wacky version to replace it. That, my friends, is why it happened. Somewhere along the smoking age, some tree-huggers decide that smoking an herb is more productive than smoking something that'll clog your lungs.

I don't support tobacco, I don't smoke tobacco, and I won't tell you that smoking tobacco is bad. I will say, however, that it's not right for some Liberals to video tape some message about how a chemical in tobacco is also in dog poop, and rub it in your face by making you watch the poop at the same time. That's not America! That's not even Mexico! If a guy dressed up like Tony Hawk and Alice Cooper walked around placing urinal cakes on public stalls, and video taped it so that when you go to get a cola and a bag of Doritos you can watch it, I'd call them crazy!

Aren't there censors that make it so I don't have to see two retards prance around a shredding machine, yelling at tobacco executives, and hoo-hawin' around throwing their textbooks inside of it, saying witty remarks like "It also destroys these reports about how five kids in Canada die from looking at tobacco"? I mean, they won't let us see braless boobs, but we are forced to watch a guy place little signs on dog turds? It's disgusting!

In closing, go to www.thetruth.com and tell them how stupid their commercials are. They didn't work in the 80s, and they ain't working now. Tell them I sent ya.

Here's some testamonies against Truth:

"Truth? Why, they stole my dog so that they could force it to crap in front of a building!" - Professor McBlargh the 14th

Want to yell against truth? Email me at neshorsemen@angelfire.com and tell it like it is!