* An unreleased video game system with two billion games already made for it!
* Broadband-only capabilities that only the five richest kings of Europe can afford!
* Games so amazing that you don't even need previews or even a name to know it'll rock!
* A system that plays DVDs AND CDs! HOLY CRAP!
* 1.21 gigawatts of electricity, a flux capacitor, and the ability to travel back to 1955!
* Even more crap that you don't really need but know you can't resist!

The Phantom seems like a really great system, but remember that this is a company that was created out of the blue. Knowing that The Phantom will take over all video gaming as we know it, I have decided to form my own company, entitled "Horsemen Studios", a company that is right now developing a video game console so advanced that not only does it play nine-hundred-billion games that are already newly made for it right this very instant, but also plays any game in the history of existance! I introduce to you...

THE GAME MASTER

The Game Master Controller features comfort and customizability the likes of which have never been seen!

The Game Master is not only a video gaming unit, but it is also an all-purpose entertainment center! Not only does it play DVDs and CDs, it also plays cassette tapes, VHS tapes, BETA VHS tapes 8-tracks, reel-to-reel music and movies, laser discs, records, player piano reels, board games, card games, dice games, and that Clue board game that also used the inclosed VHS tape. It was a really bad board game, but you'll be glad to know that, if you ever accidentally buy it on e-Bay, you can still play it on THE GAME MASTER! And because I soldered all kinds of arcade boards to it, it's also like having your very own home arcade! It even takes quarters and a big sweaty guy comes buy every Friday and empties out the tray! Yes, it also plays Grand Theft Auto: Vice City! I already said I soldered a PS2 to the thing, damn it! Listen to me for one minute and marvel at the amazing GAME MASTER! Yes, it also plays Marvel Vs. Capcom 2, because I soldered a Dreamcast to the thing. Aren't you paying attention? It also include TiVo features, VCR+ features, it has a satellite dish accessory that is sold seperately, connects to the internet via some really fast connection, like DSL or 14.4k modem or something! It also connects to the defunct Sega Channel! Knowing you have access to over ten-thousand-billion games at your fingertips, wouldn't you like to know that the console wars are meaningless when THE GAME MASTER is the ONLY console you'll ever need, ever?

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Mercury Crusader, I really like Dead Or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball. Does The Game Master support the breast swaying engine?" First off, you're one of those dirty otaku that stare at anime women all the time, unlike myself, who only looks at Sailor Mercury, but that's besides the point. The point is, yes, The Game Master supports not only the Breast Swaying engine, but it also supports the SNES's Mode 7 system, the Sega Genesis's Blast Processing, the Atari 2600's Frantic Flashing Screen feature, and the X-Box's Blue Screen of Death extra. The Game Master is fully capable of doing so many things that even I can't list them all, because my head is about to explode with all this super smart info that my brain is constantly jetting across my keyboard at an amazing five letters per minute, effectively making me the fastest typer ever!

Pictured above: cool American kids who own Game Masters vs. stupid French kid that owns "the competition". Don't be French!

Speaking of typing, the Game Master Controller features a built-in keyboard, allowing you to stay one step ahead of the competition! Imagine playing Counter-Strike for a minute. You can camp, shoot a guy in the head, and type out "lol u sux0r n00b" with so much speed that those blasted Wacky Racers will never catch up to us, Muttley! It also has this slot so you can hook up your favorite Game Boy Color Advance SP Deluxe Mega Mondo Portable Xtreme game and play it on the TV! Not only that, but it can be a slot to hook up your millions of memory cards, rumble packs, jump packs, back packs, fanny packs, cigarette packs, and fudge packs! It's so advanced that it is also comfortable! Utilizing a boomerang design I thought of while watching "Crocodile Dundee", you are ensured that it enables the most comfortability, and because of it economic design, it is also a wireless controller, although you can buy an optional "extension cord" if using a controller with a cord is more to your liking.

I don't know about you, but this system will take over video gaming as we know it! Don't buy the rest; buy THE GAME MASTER! Estimated release date is 2097, so pre-order your Game Master TODAY! If you have half of a quarter of a half of a kidney, you should know that you don't ever need to be left out in a game of Super Smash Bros. Melee or Pac-Man. If you have the guts, order now, and dig deep! Only five billion of these are being made, so don't miss out! The Game Master is the Most Totally Radical Phat Gaming System!