I've been playing video games for a little more than a decade. That's more than I can say for recent gamers. In the elaborate world of old school gamers, there is another world. A dark, sinister world where a next generation of gamers bash each other in the face with specs, stats, and flashy pictures. I call these people "new gamers". They are the scum of the earth, mainly because they are divided into two camps, "mature gamers" and "Nintendo fanboys". And here is their story...

Actually, this is about those mature gamers and their follies with modern day society. For those who don't know who they are, mature gamers are arrogant pricks that think an ESRB rating and the amount of blood, swearing, and sex determines how a game does. They also think it's more mature to attack Pokemon players and break little kid legs for no reason other than to look cool. These self-serving bastards live in their parents basements for the rest of their lives, playing Mortal Kombat 6 as they go. Some live in college campuses, which in turn makes them hypocritical Liberal monkey asses that want to help the starving children by bashing Pokemon players in the heads with baseball bats. Good job, you mature gamers. Someday, we'll vote you for some big office, much like Bill Clinton, the raving liar.

There is no worse kind of mature gamer than the X-Box gamer. They think Halo is God's gift to gaming. Then again, they're all atheists and anarchist with no moral preferences. The word "Christianity" is a sin in their sinful eyes. They also like to firebomb churches and wear white robes, and terrorize blacks in the South every chance they get. The founder of this areligious cult would be multi-trillionaire and all-around dumbass supernerd, Bill Gates. Often enough, the mature gamers treats this dumb bastard as though he was INVENTED video gaming. It's easy to say that when their history begins with the band Nirvana. Everything before the band Nirvana is considered pagan in their thick black plastic glasses. Oh, and they are freaky Goths. They bite the heads off of chickens, paint their fingernails black, never take showers, and are unemployed slobs.

I didn't know what kind of game image to use for their sick and twisted minds, so I made one myself. It's the kind of game mature gamers crave. If every game was formatted to look exactly like Halo or Doom, they'd be in gaming heaven. Did I mention that the only GOOD corridor shooter is tied between Wolfenstein 3D (kill them stupid Nazis!) and Goldeneye. The second-greatest corridor shooter is Chex Man. Guns and hos, guns and hos. That's what the mature gamer loves most. And to top it all off, they're all Liberal bastards that want gun control and equal rights for women. See how hypocritical they are? If their parents weren't paying for their room and board, they'd all be stupid winos.

I haven't even said anything about the other group, the "Nintendo fanboy". That's because they are more mature than the mature gamer will ever be. They are open-minded gamers that will try out any game, unlike the prejudice mature gaming bitches.

So, if you want a next generation gaming system, get a PS2 for the excellent RPGs and single-player games, get a Gamecube for excellent multi-player madness, and avoid the X-Box at all costs. Remember, like Bill Gates, mature gamers, or X-Box gamers, are dumbasses.

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